THE DANCE...
7.30am
“what exactly is the problem you are having?”
These were the first words that greeted her that morning.
She didn't know what to think, let alone how to answer that one.
She replayed that phrase
10 different ways
inside her mind
Was he asking with the genuine concern and respect as a trusted and beloved friend would enquire?
Or
Was it a well aimed snippet, directed at the heart, deflecting and disguising his own pain??
She couldn't tell.
And, not to mention,
NO ONE had EVER had the nerve to ask her that before.
She was at a loss, those words sending her into mental overdrive.
NO ONE had EVER had the nerve to ask her that before.
She was at a loss, those words sending her into mental overdrive.
She needed some clarity
not more ambiguity
Why is that the things we want and need the most, are the hardest things to ask for?
Sometimes when we open our mouths, we become a bit like the matador.
Some see our words as Red flags
Waving, Angry, Challenging
Well, why wouldn't they...after all, we taunt each other, and then wonder why people charge at us like wounded bulls, trying to hit us where it hurts.
We get knocked down
we get up again
a repeated cycle
until one day, we lose our strength, our will to fight back or defend...
And admit defeat.
Why is it so hard for us to ask for that which we want and need the most?
9.30am
“did your father ever tell you that he loved you?”
It was the second question that morning that stopped her in her tracks...
midstream the flow of espresso.
She couldn't quite tell if he was being sarcastic or not
Not to mention,
despite having known her for 16 years, it was the first time he had EVER asked her that.
despite having known her for 16 years, it was the first time he had EVER asked her that.
Keeping her cool,
while stiring in her third spoon of sugar,
she matter of factly scanned her memory banks,
and after a slight delay, replied with an unequivocal
while stiring in her third spoon of sugar,
she matter of factly scanned her memory banks,
and after a slight delay, replied with an unequivocal
"NO...actually he didn't"
"AAAHHHH"!!! he says
She wondered to herself,
was this the reason she stopped asking for that which she wanted, needed, deserved.
was this the reason she stopped asking for that which she wanted, needed, deserved.
She couldn't remember exactly when she admitted defeat...
I guess it's just that, she couldn't stand the thought that anyone could see past her outward humor, quirky ways, sometimes tough exterior...her defense mechanisms, so skilfully employed to disguise her
Pain, weakness, vulnerability, shame
Relationships can be a bit like a dance...
Sometimes, we enjoy dancing solo.
other times one person has strengths that the other doesn't, so it's only natural that they should lead...the other going with their flow...
and sometimes, the other person picks up where the other left off...a reciprocal flow.
Sometimes, we enjoy dancing solo.
other times one person has strengths that the other doesn't, so it's only natural that they should lead...the other going with their flow...
and sometimes, the other person picks up where the other left off...a reciprocal flow.
unfortunately, sometimes, we step on each others toes.
I guess that's what practice is for
Combined with a bit of skill and a whole lot of patience.
But I still haven't been able to answer the question.
Why is it so darn near impossible for us to ask for that which we really want and need?
(c) Teresa / Divinia 15th August 2011
I love this..It is magical with a hint of uncertainty...Many Hugs <3
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